Posted by chronicwind on May 21, 2018 at 12:59 AM

After everything, i wonder if

He still sees a future with me

(Im afraid to ask, kasi parang alam ko na ang sagot)

I feel empty


Posted by cinderellaareus on May 20, 2018 at 09:55 PM | under: Sunday

My head. Must be the red days.

I just got home after meeting a customer. All good. Was chatting with another while in the bus on my way to home. Nakakapikon kausap si Ate. "Last price" daw, insert smileys. Ano to, Divisoria? Raaaawr!

Pero sa tingin ko, hindi lang red days ang source ng init ng ulo ko. Kinailangan ko na naman mang unfollow ng tao sa facebook.

Nakakalungkot. Feeling ko kasi ganito rin ako years ago back when it was still R. Inuulit ko lang din yung mga mali ko. Dapat talaga hindi tumatalo ng kaibigan.

Bilang damage control, promise last na to.


Just responded to a message from some dude na ages go ko nang dinededma. Nasa tatlong cathegory lang kasi madalas yung mga lalaking nagugustuhan ko. Minsan bading, minsan may asawa, minsan tropa. At least tong lalaking to, hindi nag fall sa kahit alin dito sa tatlo.

Sisimulan ko narin sigurong isa isahing i-accept ang friend requests ng nga taong hindi ko kakilala. Napanood ko kasi sa tv na yung iba, sa ganitong paraan nagkakatuluyan. Hindi naman sa gusto ko na magjowa agad agad. Kung tutuusin, yung gusto ko lang yung gusto ko. Ayoko naman talaga ng iba. Pero... sighs... sige, damage control. Para rin siguro mabaling yung atensyon ko sa iba.


Ang sakit pilitin ang sarili. Putek.

Pero ganun yata talaga. Parang bitter medicine na kailangan mong i-take. 

Nalulungkot ako.

Namimiss kita.

Ayoko na nga.


Promise, huling drama ko na to tungkol sayo...

Posted by chronicwind on May 20, 2018 at 02:35 PM

When i started this ldr thing i thought as long as he still wants me, im good, im holding on. But now i think that there are a lot of meh moments that come in waves, times when you feel deep uncertainty, times when you just dont feel like it, times when you want to give up. And ive been feeling this from him: the pull backs, the uninspired replies. But then i think that well, if i really like this guy (and i do) i would be the one to step up, i would be the one to continue, to assure that im still in it, that i want this, that im all in, head to toe, heart and soul. Like, i cant expect him to be the one whose feelings doesnt waver, and my actions cant be just based on whatever feelings he has for me. It doesnt need to be 50-50 all the time, if i have to do more then i would, i should. I want to keep him and its going to be a lot of work, but im willing and thats what's important.

Grabe head over heels in love talaga ko sa taong to ano

You, me, them

Posted by cinderellaareus on May 20, 2018 at 08:56 AM | under: Sunday

A few nights ago, I had a dream and you were there. I rarely dream about the men I care about except for R and now there's you. It's kinda eerie.

The setting was simple. Parang pajama party. We are with a friend innocently lying on a bed. Just resting. You, the friend, me. You reached out over the friend's head to hold my wrist. I just let you. We did all these daw so quietly so no one will notice. Tas may dumating atang tao so I quickly removed my wrist from your hand.

In real life, there was no bed, but you reached for my wrist. It made me wonder if we had the same dream.


Bff sent me a link of a dating site where she found her fiance. The rest of my single friends are planning to visit other divisions to expand our network. 

It's not so thrilling to look for someone else when your eyes are fixed at someone you consider special.

Posted by chronicwind on May 18, 2018 at 11:02 AM

Ok na naman kami, weird. And im relieved. Ang ganda ng gising ko ngayong umaga. Haay i need to stop overthinking thisband just learn to ride the waves

Posted by chronicwind on May 17, 2018 at 07:35 PM

We were okay for a couple of days, when I posted about us on social media, he was very warm and thankful. But recently I feel like he's pulling back - and it's painful that he doesn't reply anymore to each message, doesn't ask how I am, doesn't initiate a conversation. It makes me feel lonely to the point of crying. Although sabi naman namin we should talk less, this hurts because we were okay naman for the past days. Haay I may be overthinking this pero di na ata siya interested. We really need to have another heart to heart... yung kung break, break na talaga as in no contact. But I'm not yet ready to have this conversation again... patapusin ko nalang muna birthday niya; I want him to have a good one.

Quota na ko sa pag-iyak ngayong Mayo ah

Summer heat

Posted by blueside2 on May 15, 2018 at 10:58 PM

While writing this, the weather today is less hot and more bearable which I love.

I'm still struggling with my studies (as always). Sometimes I' have to refuse mom's orders to clean around the house to have more time studying. Another obstacle of my problem is I got a little addicted reading a Japanese light novel on my smartphone in the past few days. But now I'm reducing my time reading to get on my priority. I also have to reduce playing videogames. 

Two problems I have right now is the terrible summer heat and a toothache. The heat is very terrible. So hot that It feels like its sticking in my clothes. It is so hot that even the air from the fans are hot. I'm also worried about my aging laptop overheating, so at the early afternoon I need to put it to rest and hangout in either the front terrace or in the backyard which is the coolest part of the house. And because our house's ceiling is low and no material to absorb the heart, it feels like a sauna inside. 

Another is my terrible toothache, It began almost a month ago when my tooth started to ache. I never experience this before and I always brush my teeth 1-3 times a day. I suspected that it was my whitening toothpaste is the culprit since I read on the net that whitenings can remove the enamel, making them sensitive. I change my toothpaste but the ache still persist even thought it has flouride. Its makes hard to not only eat but brush my teeth well. I will have to try using sensodyne. And if it still doesn't work, I'll need to go to the dentist. 

Posted by chronicwind on May 15, 2018 at 07:55 AM

He was sick yesterday, and it made me feel useless that im not able to take care of him physically, just through virtual massages and feel good images of puppies. It hurts to not be able to help (tho he did say that i helped a lot and he appreciated it) but it pains me to not actually be there for him. Im starting to think that he really should date a local, someone who can take care of him when he's sick, he deserves it, but then im selfish and i want him all to myself and i want to be the one to take care of him and this selfishness makes me feel guilty.

Haay ang hirap nga naman po talaga

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