Hima

Posted by cinderellaareus on January 20, 2018 at 07:09 PM | under: Saturday

Hima in Japanese means walang ginagawa.

Hima. 

Sa Tagalog, petiks. 

Hima. 

Spent half of the day locked up in my room doing nothing. Another half watching the pups and fixing their cage. 

Hima. 

Club contest yesterday. I love how my friends were so supportive even before and after I delivered my impromptu speech. Jer said that if I didn't go overtime, I would've placed second daw. Jay was asking me if I did it on purpose. 

OK lang naman. Mejo namimiss ko lang siguro yung training days. Pero wala rin naman talaga akong time na pwedeng i-devote para rito. Or siguro sila yung namimiss ko. For now, OK na rin siguro na ganito. 

Initially, naisip ko na kung hindi makakapasok si Jer, I'm not gonna watch the next contests na. But then Bea gurl won so I have to be there. Bea is an insightful woman. I bet she's gonna be a breathe of fresh air in the area contest. I'm excited for Elite. I hope we'll make it to the nationals too this year.

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I wonder how the TM clubs in Cebu look like. Parehas kaya samin? Pag nagawa ko ba lahat ng plano ko, will I be able to leave everything behind and live there? Sighs. Sa ngayon, gusto ko lang magawa lahat ng plano ko. Maybe I'll just start thinking about running away after that. 

20the day of the year and I haven't done anything though. 

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I remember bff and I having a little debate about whether one is being "paasa" or maybe nagbibigay lang sya ng pag-asa. Giving a chance vs. giving false hope. I'm not so sure which boat I am in right now. For whatever the consequences may be, I wonder if I'll be able to pay the price. 

Reality

Posted by dabahnidanda on January 19, 2018 at 09:26 AM

I think I'm sick but I love the idea of lying to myself pretending everything is just okay.

The saying your body don't lie is accurate.

We feel things that are different with how they used to be

and we ignore these things until our bodies just give up on us.

What we don't know is that the moment we ignored the help cry our bodies have been screaming about is the exact time that we have given up on ourselves.

I think I cannot lie anymore.

I cannot sush my body with the reality that I'm in a lot worse than I could ever hope for.

I need to turn things around so I can stay a little longer with everyone that matters.

I just pray that I be given the strength to wake up each morning and strive harder than I ever did my entire life.

I need to.

Because the people around me meant a lot more than I ever thought they did.

Day 095: Goals for 2018 and beyond

Posted by manang.inasal on January 18, 2018 at 02:00 PM

2018 GOALS:

1. Invest in COL Financial (before January ends, dapat may account na ako) - COL Starter (5k/month)

2. Update my planner everyday and stick to it (mahal kasi ng planner ko) - finance (avoid overspending), work, life 

3. Get a condo

4. Save 5k (savings account) every month for a year

5. Get certification (work related)

6. Learn new skills (maybe driving, swimming, playing ukulele)

7. Travel (out of the country again)

Will add soon

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Updates:

1. I am still updating my planner (good for me)

2. I paid for the reservation fee of the condo (will start paying the downpayment until 2020)

3. Will have my exam next week, Monday (and I am not yet prepared)

Something

Posted by cinderellaareus on January 17, 2018 at 08:24 AM | under: Wednesday

I remember it quite clearly. When I was younger, I thought that the moment you'll realized that you're in love with someone, may makikita kang rainbows, may makikita kang butterflies, complete with mushy details and all. 

Years ago, I learned that it's not really like that. 

I remember I was boarding a jeepney then when I felt a sudden kick in my gut that told me, "now this is something". I knew then that it was real.  Nothing fancy though. Walang rainbows, walang butterflies. Just a silent realization that I was feeling "something".

Sabi nila futuristic daw ang mga babae. Tipong hiningi lang ang number mo, iniisip mo  na kagad ang magiging motif ng kasal nyo pati pangalan ng mga magiging anak nyo. Well, I don't deny that. 

But then at that time,  I was beyond futuristic. Kasi that time, I thought that if this is something real, then it can't just stay here in this life time. That it must surpass my days and his and should probably last for all eternity. Iba rin no?  I remember I even wrote a poem out of this. I forgot the 1St line, but the rest went like, 

When centuries gone past, will you and I be just a part of history, lost and replaced with a new world? 

If so, how can a love so true fade away just like that? 

Yeah, mushy. Ikr. 

I don't know. It's been years and I never felt that "now, this is something" feeling again. 

Maybe because he was the only one who came that close. 

I wonder if in the future, someone else will come just as close as that. Or at least close enough to maybe fall in love with me. 

.......

Kdrama effect. Ugh, damn this. 

-----------

Bukod sa time at money, may isa pa pala sa mga resources ng tao ang dapat nyang i-conserve.

Ang kanyang attention span. 

Sa ngayon talaga si Son Oh Gong (Lee Seung-gi) lang ang naiisip ko.  Nakaka adik yung 'A Korean Odyssey', ayoko nahhhhh!  T_T

Posted by chronicwind on January 16, 2018 at 11:35 PM

Unti unti na akong nawawalan ng pakialam

and it scares me

16

Posted by cinderellaareus on January 16, 2018 at 08:30 AM | under: Tuesday

Half of the month just passed. Ano bang ginawa ko? 

I know I'd be in trouble but I don't really know how to fix my life so I decided to just sleep. Lol.

At least I'm not sleeping now.

I still don't know what to do, but i should at least do something, right?

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Our pups are 4 days old now and they're getting cuter. Our family is a dog loving family. If it's up to us we'd love to have them all inside the house. We used to have all our dogs inside the house until they started killing eachother. The favorites who didn't kill eachother were the ones we were able to keep inside. Thangs, Yuri, Mongee and Gracie May. The 3 died though, so now we only have mongee. I can insist on having the babies inside but that would mean I have to keep gigi outside because otherwise, she'll kill the pups. But I can't do that. I love gigi. Huhu. I wish they can all just get along.

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For 2 days in a row,  I was asked by 2 different random strangers about my husband. Both were men. I wonder if I should start wearing a placard stating that I don't have one. 

なんか、むかつく。

10:55

Posted by cinderellaareus on January 14, 2018 at 11:13 PM | under: Sunday

Woke up at past 11am today so I'm resigning to the possibility that I might not be sleeping tonight.

Spent the day watching the the 2nd half of "rich man, poor woman" j- drama. I finished off the 1st half yesterday. I think I got this from Nesss 5 years ago. It's been sitting in my laptop that long pero ngayon ko lang napanood. So nice. Kdramas may be a bit better in comparison and their actors and actresses may be a whole lot cuter, pero sa tingin ko, until now, nasa Japan parin ang bias ko.

Ang gwapo ni Oguri Shun. Stalked him a bit to see how he looks like now and nag iba na sya. For one, tatay na rin kasi sya. Hindi na sya kasing sexy ng dati. His eyes are still nice though. Pero yung asawa nya, parang mas gumanda pa over the years. They still look so in love though.

Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ang weird ng nararamdaman ako after kong manood ng j-drama. Parang ganito rin yung na feel ko everytime na may matatapos ako na harry potter books. Yung parang masakit na hindi maintindihan. Kahit happy ending, masakit parin. Hindi ko gets. Hindi ko rin makuha yung tamang word kahit sa English or Tagalog. Pero sa Japanese siguro, ang pinaka apt e yung "kurushii".

Kurishii. Hindi ko maintindihan bakit ang sakit. Lol. Ayoko ng ganitong feeling. Sa Kdrama parang hindi ganito. And promise, sobrang feel-good drama lang ng rmpm.

Ayoko sana manood ng Korean or J-drama. Mas lalo kasing mahirap ma appreciate ang reality pag nakakita ka ng world na so much better than the real one. But what can I do? That's the only way I can have my peace...

14th day of the year and I still don't feel like talking to, hearing or seeing other people. I don't know what's wrong with me.

Looking back at December

Posted by blueside2 on January 14, 2018 at 04:07 PM

As I cleaned up the Christmas tree and decorations, I look back at December. Time goes by...I remember my frugal mom treating me to Greenwich on my birthday. I was planning to eat at Sbarro's but she commenting the servings is too small. I went along with her. One thing I don't like about is she seems to disregard my choice and look somewhere else as its her birthday instead of me. Then when I agreed to partake in Simbang gabi. Nine straight days of going to mass from 9pm-10pm. It was boring at first, the priest's sermons and story keeps me interested. The food in Christmas and New Year's eve were little compared to last year's because. The celebration feels gloomy as losing the father in the house still affects us. Mom is also frugal in spending the electricity, she don't like opening the Christmas lights everyday. For Christ's sakes, the holidays is only once a month and yet...Its was the worse time to be conserving electricity which made the atmosphere even gloomier. My older step brother arrived and stays at home today. Spent his Christmas with relatives in Manila, but spend his time in New Year at home. I just let him be. I still grieve and still feel negative thoughts and negative feelings attack me. I wanted to finish studying the web dev tutorials this month, but I failed. it sucks. Mom and I watched the live action version of the Beauty and the Beast. It was a really good movie. It takes me back in time during my childhood because I've watched the cartoon one before. Sadly, I wasn't able to watch the other movies I've downloaded and watch at Christmas day because mom was watching youtube at the computer and the speakers are too loud.

At New Year's eve, we prepared more food than Christmas as usual. Step bro arrived at January 1st to spend time here for days before going back to his work in the province. Before Christmas eve, I had the chance to go on to see the American styled homes with Christmas lights at Festival Mall which I missed during Christmas eve. I'm glad we can still prepared soe good food on the table during those special times.

Its a new year and a new look in life. I hope 2018 will be a good year compared to last year. It sucks I don't have money to buy what I want, so I'm hoping to finish my studies and get a job so I can buy stuff.

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